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HI
I wonder if anyone could help with an issue I have come across in my work. The person I am working with has recently been excluded by her family. There is no talking or contact of any kind. My understanding is, that it is her mother who has decided to exclude her. Her father and brother are also not making any contact. Her mother has said that she wants her out due to things that by most standards would be normal family / living things. such as not tidying up on time. It is my understanding that a son/daughter usually cannot be removed from the quality world. any help on how I might approach this would be greatly appreciated. -
It’s always hard to give suggestions about a case as we do not know the full details and there are no formula answers. In the hope it might be helpful here are some ideas.
Assuming you are dealing with the excluded person, I have found that in difficult relationship issues one choice a person can make is not to say or do anything that makes the situation worse. This may seem at first like a negative plan but it has a very positive motivation.
My guess would be that the exclusion is not simply due to tidiness and such like. Your client may be holding back some information or might not even be aware of the implications of his/her behaviour. Inviting more detail about the client’s interactions with the family (and family values) might unearth more. Has this person betrayed some deep seated family value (and maybe not even realised it)? Are the family values somewhat fundamental? Hoping this is helpful!
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Hi Alan, I may also add to help the client articulate what she wants the relationship with her mother, father and brother to look like. Then use the Reality Therapy process with her to determine what behavior she is using to gain the relationships with them she would like to have – include the positive and the things that may not be helping so much. Then, you can have her self-evaluate her own behavior as to whether or not it is likely to lead to the relationship she wants.
Another approach might be to help her realize the only person’s behavior she can control is her own and hoping, wishing and dreaming things were better is not likely going to change the situation so asking her what SHE can do to improve the situation if that is, in fact, what she wants. . . Hope this is helpful.
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